The Secrets of Isis Episode 13: "Girl Driver"

The Larkspur High Car Club is holding its election for club president, and this time out it's highly controversial.  Why?  Because a girl is in the running!  Even though Frederica "Freddie" Charleton works at her dad's auto repair shop and really seems to know her stuff she can't get any respect from her male rival Mac Lennard.  After an accident that almost destroys the shop (both Freddie and Mac are to blame, at least according to Isis), the two become intractable enemies. Ms. Thomas, Mr. Mason and Cindy Lee talk them into competing in a rally to determine the better auto expert.  Mac is so determined not to lose to a girl he's willing to cheat to win, but when his little stunt puts his life in danger, a woman has to save him.  And that woman is none other than First Lady Betty Ford.

Just kidding.  It's actually Billy Jean King.  Cher.  Okay, okay, it's Tatum O'Neal.  Kristy MacNichol.  Evonne Goolagong.  Or Isis.  They're all great, so take your pick. As we've just seen in the 2012 presidential election, few things cause arguments as much as politics, even politics within a high school club.  And gender politics are still very much in play-- witness the gender divide in single women voting for Barack Obama versus Mitt Romney.  So while the whole "women's lib" movement and the Equal Rights Amendment were hot button topics back in the mid-1970s (seems like every sitcom did some variation on the "let's bet to see whose life is more challenging/women on strike" plots), the underlying concerns still bear addressing.  We've made progress, but in today's highly polarized United States, retrogressive types press their attack and hope to reverse all those hard-won gains.

"Girl Driver," its title a deliberate reference to any number of jokes and stupid cartoons about women and their supposed lack of driving skill aired on November 29, 1975, and uses its mild pro-feminist message as something of a red herring.  The lesson it really teaches is that cheating is wrong, and if you cheat, you'll probably get a nail in your tire and end up plunging off a ten-thousand foot cliff in your car, with only an Egyptian goddess to perch proudly on the hood and save you with gusts of wind.  Secondary to that is that men and women need to cooperate, especially in moving fallen telephone poles out of the road to a brighter future for us all.

Played with polish by Steve Doubet, Mac starts off seemingly a fairly good-natured guy, despite his frequent disparaging comments about Freddie's mechanical skills.  When the justifiably offended Freddie angrily declares him a "chauvinist pig," he laughs it off with an easy-going, "That's me!  Oink oink."  He's even quick to shout a warning when a gas spill outside the garage catches fire.  Not that yelling, "Watch out!  If those drums ignite, this whole place will blow up!" particularly helps anyone.  But he quickly turns creepy and alarmingly rage-fueled, first challenging Freddie to a dangerous drag race, then pulling his little trick during the rally.  Luckily he's already softening his stance even before his brush with death.

This leads to an amazing scene where Mac's car swerves off the road and over the cliff, with a close-up of his horrified face as he falls down... down... down... I mean really, they must have held this rally in the Himalayas.  Then Isis swoops in and poses goddess-like on the car's hood while saving Mac.  It involves another chromakey shot but at least they're trying something new.  I can't help but remember the scene in The Blues Brothers when the stationwagon of Illinois Nazis flies off the overpass construction which apparently wasmeant to allow drive-through access to the top floor of the Sears Tower.

Speaking of girl drivers, is that Cindy Lee behind the wheel at the episode's start, chauffeuring Andrea Thomas around and talking a mad streak about the car club election?  Why, it is!  According to Joanna Pang in her Isis DVD interview, she couldn't really drive a stick shift at the time, so it wasn't the easiest scene to shoot.  My dad was a stickler for teaching my brothers and me how to drive standard transmission.  "Learn to drive standard and you can drive almost anything.  Learn just automatic, and you're limited in emergencies." I'm sure Freddie would agree.

Susan Lawrence takes this role, and she's more than a match for Doubet.  They have a nice bickering chemistry that makes their scenes together work better than a Saturday morning children's show really deserves, but then Isis always seems to do right with its guest stars.  The performances are sometimes a bit broad, but these shows shot fast and there probably wasn't time for a lot of character building.  Casting well solves most problems, and Filmation must have hired a crackerjack casting director for their shows.

Both Lawrence and Doubet are typical of the Isis guests, capable pros with extensive 1970s resumes featuring guest appearances on various sitcoms and hour-long dramas, their careers petering out in the 1980s.  Not everyone can be a Debralee Scott.  Lawrence played a Horshack relative on Welcome Back, Kotter and became a regular on the Dr. Shrinker live-action show, one of those Sid  and Marty Krofft joints you half-believe you dreamed while running a high fever.  She also appeared on two episodes of Mork and Mindy.  Doubet knocked around a little longer, doing time on soap operas like Days of Our Lives and General Hospital, turning up twice on The Love Boat, once on Dynasty and even landing a one-time spot on Trapper John, M.D. as "Reporter #2."  I wonder if he and Christopher Norris bonded over their Isis appearances.

Notes-- Once again, Cindy Lee acts as the faculty's girl-on-the-inside, just full of juicy and helpful tidbits of info on her classmates.  Some might call her a gossip, but I believe it's just because she's so involved in student life. Larkspur High is everything to that crazy kid.  She's also safety conscious.  When Mac's insulting challenge to a drag race proves more than Freddie can stand, it's a quick-thinking Cindy Lee who cools her jets and prevents her from making a serious mistake.

Dr. Barnes makes damn sure the two contestants know a rally is not the same as a race, but a test of accuracy.  Isis's concern-- beyond Mac's safety-- is getting the two enemies to learn to cooperate. I think that's a noble thing, and we could all learn a thing or two from the wise goddess.  Mac's conversion at the end is earned more than Carrie Anson's from the previous episode-- after all, we watched that guy plummet almost to his death.  It's amazing he can even function after such a thing, but there he is, offering not only his hand in congratulations, but his vote for Freddie as club president.  Another heartwarming turnabout for The Secrets of Isis.

It wouldn't be a 70s TV show without some awesome outfits.  Cindy breaks out her adorable "having fun in the sun" patchwork outfit for the rally, but early in the episode she rocks some mighty jeans.  Dr. Barnes sports a sweet denim jacket ensemble, but Rick Mason wins the couture award for this episode with his sweet blue print shirt.  Of course it's hard to argue with Andrea Thomas's short shorts.  Oink oink.

 Finally, this must be southern California, because all these kids drive convertibles.

The Secrets of Isis Episode 12: "Funny Gal"

Every school has a clown.  I don't mean the grease-painted kind.  I mean the class clown.  I imagine even North Korean high schools have classroom comedians who can tell some mean greedy, imperialistic American jokes and have their the other students rolling on the floor with laughter.  Larkspur High's resident jokester is Carrie Anson, but most of hers are directed towards herself.  The comedic impulse often springs from self-loathing, as a kind of coping mechanism.  So it is with Carrie.

Carrie has body issues and chooses to express her feelings by making everything a goof, a lark.  Everyone's friend Cindy Lee tries to help Carrie by suggesting she run for student body president.  Andrea Thomas and Rick Mason think that's a splendid idea, and talk Carrie's friend Greg into nominating her and running her campaign.  Things get a little out of hand when Carrie overhears part of a conversation where Greg makes disparaging remarks about her (he's actually voicing the secret message Carrie sends with every joke) and it drives her into a shame spiral that culminates in a bizarre and dangerous publicity stunt-- Carrie steals Mr. Mason's prized motor boat.  With a storm coming, Isis is going to need help from none other than Captain Marvel himself to save the wayward girl and convince her she has value to everyone.

Yes, it's "Funny Gal"  (November 22, 1975), with a special guest appearance by John Davey, the second Captain Marvel of Isis's sibling show Shazam!, who just happens to be cleaning up the road-- literally; he moves a large fallen tree out of the right-of-way-- near Larkspur.  After that, it's just a short flight to where Isis is battling the elements with her magic.  I'm not sure why a simple thunderstorm is beyond Isis's capabilities, since she's previous displayed power over time itself, but anything that gets two costumed heroes working side-by-side gets my vote as a successful episode.  And besides this week's problem student herself, everyone seems to get some humorous lines this time out in what-- by mild-mannered Isis standards-- is a pretty witty script.

Sandra Vacey's Carrie is less funny gal than playfully melodramatic gal, given to theatrical pronouncements.  She also owns a megaphone and a junker of a car.  She uses both to try to organize a fast-food caravan, but her brakes go out leading to the first Isis rescue of the show.  Isis tries to convince the girl there are more important things than having a svelte body so boys will like her.  That's easy for Isis to say.  Not only is she a goddess, but she's lean and muscular like a 1970s tennis pro.  But this episode has one of the show's better lessons-- you have to learn to love yourself no matter how hammered by media presentations of beauty standards hammer you.  Look for your own talents and develop them, and don't try to hide who you really are.

Body concerns continue to plague young women even today, which suggests what progress we've made since 1975 hasn't been enough.  Unfortunately, the episode's message gets a little garbled during the boat theft stunt.  Carrie comes to realize her self-worth only because superheroes are willing to rescue her and it's a turnaround that comes a little too quickly for believability's sake.  I'm left wondering if Carrie really learned her lesson or if she was merely trying to dodge the blame for grand larceny.  I suppose Rick Mason is too nice a guy to press charges, but he really could have made Carrie's life a worse hell than she's already convinced it is.

Speaking of hells, my old high school was a vicious place but at least my time there fell chronologically between when Isis aired and when kids starting shooting each other.  We were pretty rotten, though.  Larkspur High must be the most pleasant high school in the nation, if not the universe.  While students can be hard on outsiders like Wayne Moss, the only person who picks on Carrie is herself, at least as far as we're shown.  She seems to be fairly well-liked.  Of course not all personal problems are external in origin.  Sometimes the vulnerable among us convince themselves of the worst things with no help from bullies or even the merely insensitive.  Still, Carrie's lucky to have friends like Greg and Cindy Lee, plus caring teachers like Mason and Thomas.  I can see her turning more and more to the performing arts, maybe joining an improv comedy class and working her way up through the show-biz ranks.  Imagine a world where Carrie Anson, after a few successful appearances on The Tonight Show and Late Night with David Letterman ends up headlining her own ABC sitcom a la Roseanne.

It would probably turn into a real bummer like Grace Under Fire starring Brett Butler, so maybe that's not such a good thing after all.  How about a short stint as a writer-performer on Saturday Night Live, then a collaboration with Ben Stiller on his old sketch comedy show?  Maybe she'd be doing something critically acclaimed but little-watched on NBC.  Better?

No?

Notes--  Appropriate, I suppose, for the first episode since "Fool's Dare" to deal with the problems of a female student, "Funny Gal" mines some mild humor out of Rick Mason's mild mannered mid-1970s male chauvinism.  Thomas and Cindy invite him to a picnic lunch, so he decides to mooch rather than bring his own spread.  He manages to guilt them into giving him some of Thomas's famous fried chicken and one of Cindy's deviled egg sandwiches.

"You know something, Mr. Mason," Cindy opines, "I think you ought to get married."

"I'm going to," Mason replies soberly.

Thomas looks at him in surprise.  "You are?  When?"

"As soon as I find someone who looks like Isis," Mason tells her.  His eyes dart playfully to Cindy as if to tell her a joke is in the offing.  And here it is:  "And cooks like you."

"If that's your attitude towards women, you're going to end up a very old and hungry bachelor," Thomas says, smirking ever so slightly.

He's also apparently tricked the two into cleaning his boat for him (multiple times!), so he's kind of a con artist, too.  I know it's just a way for the episode to establish Mason has a boat-- you know, in order for Carrie to steal it later without having to create a whole new boat-owning character-- but how's he able to afford a boat on a teacher's salary?  Something odd is going on.  Probably not as odd as his love for meaty pizza pies with strawberry jam among the toppings, though.  Week by week we unpeel Rick Mason like an onion and discover new layers to his personality, while lead character Andrea Thomas remains largely a mystery.  Perhaps she simply has no hidden quirks.  Self-actualized, that's what she is.

Cindy Lee breaks out of the overalls and busts her hump down at the marina while wearing that patchwork culottes outfit she last wore in episode 6, "Lucky." Must be her tropical/resort wear.  Or maybe the overalls were in the wash.  Isis knows they could stand a vacation!

There's a slick little flying effect where Isis soars past the high school on her way to save Carrie.  They must have suspended Joanna Cameron somehow.  I'm not sure how secure the flying rig was, but Carmeron wears that confident Isis expression on her face, so either it was pretty safe or she deserved an Emmy award.  She then uses her magic powers to flip Carrie's out-of-control car around (without using a rhyming couplet-- maybe the scripters misplaced their rhyming dictionaries).  They use a simple film edit, but the shot also involves a super-imposed Isis in the foreground.  Along with boat rental and whatever equipment they used for the scene where Captain Marvel physically tows the boat to safety this must have been one of the more expensive episodes to date.

I like that Captain Marvel actor Davey (he later played a ton of roles in both The Rockford Files and Barnaby Jones, two shows I used to love back in those days) doesn't try to deepen his voice to sound more heroic, but he doesn't have a lot of vocal presence.  Seems kind of like the beefy guy next door, who just happens to enjoy cavorting in red tights and a white cape for a little post-office stress relief.  Nice dive, though!

Sandra Vacey's last credit is for the disastrous heist film Every Girl Should Have One where she appeared with John LaZar (formerly the bizarre Ronnie "Z-Man" Barzell of "This is my happening and it freaks me out!" Beyond the Valley of the Dolls infamy and later the villain of Deathstalker II) and Zsa Zsa Gabor.  She's just fine in this episode, so it's surprising she didn't keep at it.  On the other hand, how can you top performing with John Lazar and Zsa Zsa Gabor?  Better to call it quits.

One little slip-up.  The opening scene apparently takes place in the late afternoon, as evidenced by the long shadows and golden light, but a few moments later as Carrie's car goes out of control, the shadows are all short and directly beneath objects indicating a shooting time closer to noon.  Boy,  I really hope someone got fired for that blunder!

The Secrets of Isis Episode 11: "No Drums, No Trumpets"

It's the big Larkspur High Science Fair and Fred Weiting is sure to win because, as Rick Mason says, he's the school's favorite radio ham... er... amateur radio operator.  I'm not exactly sure how a demonstration of a readily available technology deserves first place over homemade baking soda volcanoes and whatever amazing demonstration Cindy Lee has no doubt devised and sure enough, when Fred can't even contact Dr. Barnes by radio from fifty feet away his effort is doomed.  Infuriated at losing, he roars out of the parking lot.  He even takes his car!  Andrea Thomas, Rick Mason and Fred's friend Dorothy give chase, but it takes Isis to save the guy from himself.  On the way back to the city-- they must have chased Fred a good twenty miles-- Ms. Thomas and students end up prisoners of a group of mild-mannered crooks in a ghost town.  Thomas can't find her Isis amulet, so she has to convince the downhearted Fred to use his ham-- er --- radio skills to save the day.

Incredibly, Cindy Lee has only a minor part to play in "No Drums, No Trumpets" (airing November 15, 1975), and there's precious little Isis.  Most of the episode is given over to Ms. Thomas Fred, Dorothy and their unfortunate happenstance with the criminals.  And, as per usual, the desperate outlaws aren't so desperate they'll add murder to their list of depredations.  No one is in any real danger.  Suspense comes from Ms. Thomas's efforts at outsmarting the villains while keeping her identity as Isis a secret.

This is a solid episode, kind of a live-action Scooby-Doo, Where Are You? complete with crooks trying to fool people into thinking a ghost town is, in fact, haunted.  I've never understood this logic.  If anything, ghosts would attract more interest and visitors.  This particular ghost town is more dusty than creepy, but it's a nice change from the same old mountain, woods or lake settings for these little morality tales.  There's an exciting car chase, and a last-minute wind assisted rescue by Isis-- all in the first seven minutes.  The most remarkable thing about "No Trumpets," however, is Mark Lambert's performance as Fred.  He's the kind of guy who bristles when called a "ham," quick to point out the correct nomenclature in a supercilious way, but Lambert gives the moment an ever-so-slight tongue-in-cheek spin.  He reminds me a lot of Peter Scolari, an underappreciated actor if there ever was one.

Lambert is apparently one of the most accomplished and well-rounded performers among the Isis guest students.  According to IMDB, he's performed in Eugene O'Neill plays as well as Shakespeare at the Young Vic in London and movies with Cate Blanchett, Pierce Brosnan and Kate Winslet.  Almost as impressive is his musical work.  He contributed singing overdubs to the film Cabaret (1972) and originated the role of Henrik Egerman in the musical comedy A Little Night Music.  That is, if IMDB and the IBDB (Internet Broadway Database) are to be believed.  He's not listed on IMDB as having anything to do with Cabaret, but with plenty of UK television drama credits.  There are other Mark Lamberts in the world, you know and IMDB is full of screwed-up credits.  I prefer to believe all of the above information is correct because it sure would be cool to think someone like that passed through the Isis call sheets.

His gal pal Dorothy is played by Christopher Norris, who went on to become a regular on the TV series Trapper John, M.D., co-starring as Nurse Gloria Brancusi.  This much I know is true.  I was a huge Trapper John fan so I would recognize Norris and her name anywhere.  Okay, I wasn't that much of a Trapper John fan.  I just watched it because it was on, and most of the time I had to miss the last half of every episode because of my bedtime and I assumed the patient died at the end of each story.  These days I wonder, "Why was I watching half an episode of Trapper John, M.D. each week?  What did I gain?  A pessimistic worldview?"

A few notes-- Ms. Thomas's Firebird is still yellow.  Mr. Mason, on the other hand, drives a white VW Thing.  Remember the VW Thing?  We learn Thomas spends at least some of her free time exploring the desert, going into caves and whatnot.  Cindy does have a little comical moment to call her own-- Dr. Barnes mistakenly refers to "hams" and she tells him, "Not hams, Dr. Barnes.  Radio amateurs."  Lucky for her Dr. Barnes is such a kindly soul.  Larkspur High must be in the city of Larkspur, since Fred refers to his location as the "Larkspur ghost town."

The episode's  title intrigues me.  Some Google research shows a 1961 non-fiction book by Barry Wynne by the same name.  It's about a French woman who helped children and British soldiers during WWII.  There's another book by that name by Mary Ferebee Howard.  It tells of her own Red Cross work during the war.  There's also a 1966 episode of The Virginian.  And finally, a 1988 episode of the sci-fi cartoon Bravestarr.  The two books could possibly relate to Isis-- a strong woman aiding others in need.  As for the others, I detect no common theme.  Is this a phrase from a poem?  Is there an allusion to something here I've missed?

I could research this further but it's almost 9pm on a Sunday night and I'm dead tired.  Good night , Isis fans, wherever you are!

The Secrets of Isis Episode 10: "The Outsider"

Former child star Mitch Vogel (he had a recurring role on the last seasons of Bonanza and appeared with Tim "Otter" Matheson in Yours, Mine and Ours, the 1968 film where Henry Fonda and Lucille Ball play two people with a thousand children each who marry each other and populate an entire town with their offspring) guests as Wayne Moss, the titular outsider of Isis episode 10, "The Outsider," which aired November 8, 1975.  Wayne is a nature-loving newcomer to the big city and Andrea Thomas is so beside herself with joy at having a brilliant new biology student she's hitting up the school for more science equipment.  All this fuss over one measly guy when there's still Cindy Lee!  Cindy's not to upset about being bumped from the top of the teacher's pet ladder, though.  See, jealousy and sour grapes just aren't in her nature.  She's just too nice, so nice that when Wayne comes under suspicion for stealing the raccoon mascot of a rival school's football team, Cindy follows him to his private spot, a secluded lake area teeming with wildlife.  The two students bond over a mutual love for little critters such as ducks and snowy owls.  Cindy's admiration for the seemingly gentle Wayne is apparent in the starry-eyed way she gazes at him.  At least until Wayne finds out the area's slated for development into a ritzy subdivision.  Then he goes on a destructive rampage, first attacking a sign and, when he can't get the more sober and responsible citizen Cindy to help him vandalize it, atop a bulldozer.

"Jump off!  Jump off!  Get off before you get hurt!" Cindy shouts, but it takes Isis and a giant boulder to save Wayne.  Ms. Thomas and Rick Mason soon join Wayne's environmental crusade, but the real raccoon-nappers have a problem-- the little furry fella is sick as can be.  Only one person can help them.  Former California governor Ronald Reagan.  But they'll settle for Wayne Moss.

This is a rebound to glory episode, kind of heavy handed, but it benefits both from a lack of fake gorillas and from an incredibly intense performance from Vogel.  His Moss is equal parts John Denver, Huckleberry Finn and barely suppressed rage until he spots the sign advertising the real estate development and turns into a complete maniac.    Despite being kid-vid, Isis doesn't shrink from showing this side of him and making it frightening.  At times it's almost as if he wandered in from a show aimed at a more mature audience like The White Shadow or Family, or even a 1970s horror movie about a bullied teen with supernatural powers.  When the kids tease him, his glower is so intimidating you almost expect him to Carrie White-out on them and telepathically command the animals of the forest to emerge and rip everyone to shreds.  But once he realizes he's going about things the wrong way and calms himself, most people end up respecting the lad's passion and affinity for wildlife.  Pretty soon even the construction foreman is offering to delay draining the lake-- a process that involves dynamiting a dam-- until Mason can use his powers of persuasion on Mr. Winstead, a rich land tycoon who loves golf as much as Wayne Moss loves snowy owls.

The runaway bulldozer scene is pretty wild and provides a mid-episode action spike that contrasts nicely with the gentle scenes of Wayne and Cindy Lee holding hands as they wander around the meadows and forests near the lake viewing stock footage of squirrels.  It almost seems at times the out-of-control machine is going to crush Cindy beneath its treads while Wayne protests the controls "are frozen" and "won't work."  Or maybe the problem is a bulldozer is a fairly complex piece of machinery you don't have any business trying to operate, kid!

Interestingly, there isn't any real antagonist in this episode.  It's more a story of ideas.  Even the two oafs who bully Wayne and try to frame him for raccoon-napping quickly repent when the animal gets sick and the foreman folds after just a few words from Wayne.  Meanwhile, Rick Mason must be a silver-tongued devil indeed because it doesn't take him long to convince Winstead to eat the millions of dollars he's already spent on the land and even more he stands to profit from his plans.  The biggest moment of suspense comes when Isis has just a few seconds to stop some lit dynamite from going off, but instead of flying up to it quickly, she takes the long way around by running.  Well, she knows what she's doing.  And wow, what an explosion they have for us, folks!

A recurring element in Isis is whenever a student wanders off, all Thomas and Mason have to do is ask Cindy about his or her habits.  She knows everything there is to know about each and every one of her classmates.  I say classmates because all along I've been assuming she's a student (I love the idea of a Cindy Lee who admires Thomas and Mason and loves her school so passionately she wants to spend every waking hour there, kind of like a girl Max Fischer, but with excellent grades), but I have to admit at times her position at Larkspur High is a little ambiguous.  Supporting my student theory is her response to Thomas's assertion that Wayne knows more about plants and animals than any student she's ever taught:  "The rest of us could learn from him."

Speaking of ambiguity, Mason appears to be somewhat senior to Thomas in this episode.  The DC comic states outright he's her boss, but perhaps the show's Mason is merely assigned to the budget committee or acting as Dr. Barnes's hatchet person here. 

And I wonder about "the pond on the old Wilson property."  It looks an awful lot like the lake where Andy Taylor used to take Opie fishing.  I should ask Cindy Lee.  She'll know.  By the way-- yes, she rocks the overalls again!

The Secrets of Isis Episode 9: "The Show Off"

Little Steve Elwood has a Napoleonic complex which leads him to take dangerous chances, impressing approximately nobody.  The first time we see him, he's angrily climbed a ladder to hang a banner despite being begged by practically everyone not to.  I suppose he thinks that's the way to make friends-- act contrary, then dangle helplessly from a rooftop until Isis shows up.  And is Steve grateful?  He is not.  He feels humiliated by the goddess' interference.  Later, on the Science Club camping trip, Cindy Lee somehow gets her foot stuck in a bear trap.  She's not hurt, but Steve once again tries to make himself a big man by freeing her.  He fails because he doesn't read the instructions on the trap.  When Andrea Thomas talks to him and he reveals himself as an expert ornithologist, Steve realizes what a fool he's been.  Just in time for an escaped gorilla to trap him in a cave along with Cindy Lee, Rick Mason and another student.

Yes.  An escaped gorilla.

Okay, I thought the bear attack in "Rockhound's Roost" was laughably bad, but Isis reaches its first season nadir in "The Show Off," which aired November 1, 1975-- kind of a late Halloween trick played on its unfortunate fans, but not enough to destroy the show.  The script is full of neat little quips and the Steve Elwood part is fine (plus his last name reminds me of the Blues Brothers, which is never a bad thing unless we're talking Blues Brothers 2000, which we're not and never will), just some standard Isis fare about a troubled student getting himself into problems on his way to maturity.  Where the show goes off the rails is someone in power apparently decided Steve's little dilemma wasn't worthy enough for an entire episode.  Bizarre plot twist time!

Even before we see the gorilla we're already anticipating the horrors of a Saturday-morning ape costume-- shades of the vastly superior Tracy the Gorilla from The Ghost Busters-- but really, this whole thing is completely out of left field.  It's not even foreshadowed, basic Drama 101 stuff.  All you have to do is have some dialogue referencing a circus coming to town, or at some point have the characters listen to a radio report about an escaped gorilla.  They foreshadow Cindy Lee's animal trap misadventure and that hardly takes a minute of storytime to play out to its resolution.  The gorilla is the show's big finale and nada.  Zilch.  Non sequitor.

Really, this could hardly have been more ridiculous if they'd had the gorilla turn out to be female with the hots for Rick Mason and Isis soaring to the rescue before some kind of half-assed ape-human wedding.  It's as if someone spliced together a segment from an ABC Afterschool Special with half an episode of Gilligan's Island.

According to IMDB, Harry "Steve Elwood" Gold had a nice run of guest-starring credits throughout the 70s, a small part in Brian DePalma's 1976 horror classic Carrie and culminating in a 1980 appearance in one of my all-time faves, The Misadventures of Sheriff Lobo.  Oh sure, he was apparently in something called First Family after that, but when you've played a bellboy on Lobo, that's like winning the Super Bowl; it's best to bow out while on top.  These days he's an actor's agent, and adopted father to the Gold sisters acting dynasty of Missy and Tracey. He's actually quite good in this episode when not playing the jerk or being menaced by an ape.  When he finally accepts his limitations and comes into his own by relying on things he's actually good at-- identifying those birds, for example-- he's got a shy smile and explains to Ms. Thomas the difference between a crow and a raven in a bright and winning way.

No one should be asked to act opposite a moth-eaten gorilla costume, though.  But even I have to admit the scene where the gorilla's keepers retrieve her and drive off in their jeep is worth the price of admission.  There's just something uniquely attractive about the way the performer waddles while looking like nothing so much as someone thinking, "I left Tulsa for this?  Thank Christ no one's going to see my face."  It's an animal portrayal almost polished enough for a kid's birthday party or a Jaycees haunted house.

The good stuff-- Rick Mason is some kind of freaky pizza gourmand.  When we first see him, he's describing the most wondrous pie to Andrea Thomas:  mushrooms, pepperoni, meatballs, strawberry jam, onions; even Ms. Thomas can't believe it.  He's also planning to turn the Science Club outing into his own personal fishing trip.  When an upset Steve runs off into the woods, Mason can't hide his disgust and lets everyone know he was afraid all along Steve would ruin everything.  Probably because it means less time for fishing and wearing his awesome bright orange fisherman's bucket hat complete with lures pinned to the top.  Tut can knock on doors when he wants to be let into a room.  Cindy Lee gets the biggest (intentional) laugh of the episode with her witty reaction to having her foot caught in the trap.  She tells Steve, "Why don't you just call a ranger so he can tag me and then let me go."  She's wearing the baby blue overalls when she says it, which is always a bonus.  I dig how Joanna Cameron can go from playing the compassionate young teacher in the more naturalistic Steve scenes to maintaining her dignity as the stately Isis even while spouting rhyming couplets at a clod in a gorilla suit.  She's marvelous!

This episode also showcases the show's increasing tendency for plot specific special effects.  Sure they use their handy stock footage of the Isis transformation and a short version of her swirling take-off (minus the "zephyr winds" rhyme), but they also include a short process shot of Isis landing on the school's roof.  It's not necessary, but as a viewer I appreciate they spent a little money this time out.  The chromakey outline around Isis is very obvious, but it probably looked a lot more convincing on yesteryear's Zenith and RCA television sets beaming in via antenna rather than over cable.  DVD and high-def have not been kind to these old shows.

The Secrets of Isis Episode 8: "How to Find a Friend"

Let me tell you, if anyone needs a lesson in how to find a friend it's Tom Anderson.  He's creeping everyone out and causing concern for teachers like Andrea Thomas and Rick Mason.  Mr. Mason even refuses to take Tom along on a field trip the local botanical gardens, which is sure to break the kid's heart because he's so into the rich fragrances of various flowers, especially the way they relate to all-natural herbal shampoos and conditioners.

The lucky kid gets to attend Larkspur High where not only are there caring adults but also a dirtbike track adjacent to the campus where he can go during class hours.  Maybe it's a PE class or something:  Intro to Dirtbiking.  Tom tries to trade his father's war souvenir-- some kind of generic-looking revolver-- for a ride on an older boy's mini-bike.  It doesn't work out and a poor car headlight pays the ultimate price.  Now there's a reckless gun-thief on the loose with a pistol that will probably explode in his hand the next time he tries to fire it.  And that's the best case scenario, because he could just as easily knock over a liquor store or go on a shooting spree.  His name is Joe, and what he really wants to do is kill some rabbits.  And possibly eat them.  Cooked, I hope.  Looks like Isis has a life-threatening crisis on her hands and what follows is a tense race against time...

It would be easy to pick the low hanging fruit (to use a phrase that seems to be popular these days) and mock this week's guest star and his connection to The Brady Bunch.  Easy, but unfair because erstwhile Bobby Brady Mike Lookinland does a credible job with his goofily-written character.  Whatever else The Brady Bunch happened to be-- I consider it kitschy TV sitcom dreck-- it featured a cast of professionals from the grown-ups down to the youngest kids.  It's obvious Lookinland has outgrown his Brady cuteness (kid has a magnificent head of mid-70s style wavy hair, though), but he brings a polish to each scene he's in.  As young as he is in this episode, he was already an old hand, a seasoned pro and Lookinland delivers his lines with conviction and believability.  Another winning guest star performance for Isis.

While playing a weirdo.  Tom isn't the worst kid in the world.  He just has some severe personality problems and is way too eager to make friends.  Witness his hasty attempt to jump several weeks of relationship time during his ill-fated attempt at befriending Joe, otherwise known as the "yellow mini-bike/rabbit hating guy."  Later, after losing a race (someone finally let him ride a bike) with Cindy Lee as the judge, Tom angrily accuses the most honest and kind-hearted student at Larkspur of cheating in favor of his rival.  I mean anyone who would shout at Cindy Lee-- of all people-- is in real need of counseling.  One can only hope at the episode's end he'll get the help he needs.

Here's a rare Isis episode where the stakes are truly high.  This isn't a contrived situation where someone's stolen some imaginary device that leaks radiation or another class outing where Cindy Lee or one of her classmates gets a foot stuck in some rocks while running from a bear or a gorilla.  Kids watching Isis would never in a million parallel universes of probability find themselves in such straits, but in the United States guns were and remain plentiful.  They're attractive and exciting.  "Friend" doesn't attempt to demonize guns or gun ownership by any means, just to instill a healthy respect for the dangers inherent in handling them, a lesson my gun-owning father worked hard to impress on me from an early age.    I'm sure Isis would agree with my dad-- guns are not toys.  Especially not old ones of uncertain provenance.  "How to Find a Friend" benefits not only from its hard-biting lesson but also suspenseful race-against-time plotting-- kind of reminds me of the Alfred Hitchcock Presents episode "Bang!  You're Dead" (directed by the master himself) where the little boy in a cowboy hat finds a real pistol and we follow him around while we wait for the explosive finale.

Director Hollingsworth Morse isn't exactly a Hitchcock and Isis as a low-budget kid show had to burn throw a lot of set-ups in a day (which means plenty of two-shots and the like rather than complex point-of-view shots) but use of foreshadowing provides a level of suspense beyond Isis's usual offerings.  Because the show needs a positive ending, it can only take us a few baby steps towards a violent or tragic outcome (as far as I know, Lucky the dog is the only character who actually dies in an episode), and once again we see in the Isis world, there are few truly bad people.  The worst you can say about Joe (Tommy Norden, who played Bud Ricks on Flipper-- another old trouper!) is he shows poor judgement.  Even he comes to realize that and all is well once again.

But yelling at Cindy Lee?  Now that's what I consider unforgivable, man.

A few little observations--   This is the second episode (maybe third) in a row Cindy Lee wears those infamous baby blue overalls, which we first see as she greets Mason in the opening scene.  It's Ms. Thomas's birthday and they've bought her a cake.  Thomas's favorite?  Chocolate, of course.  Tut likes it, too.  Crafty Mason invites Thomas out for a birthday dinner-- but she has to agree to handle his sixth period class with troublesome Tom while he takes the rest on the field trip.  Cutler gets to clown around a bit in this scene, even breaking out a very nice Arte Johnson-doing-his-German-accent impression.  But what made me laugh the hardest this episode is the follow-up scene where Cindy Lee comes back with a birthday bouquet for Thomas and the teacher jokingly asks her if she picked them at the botanical gardens.  Cindy gives her a completely sincere, "No!  On the way back!" response.  Sometimes I get the idea both Thomas and Mason like to tease credulous Cindy by asking her silly questions just to find out how she'll reply.

Another neat moment:  Mason reports he's more than likely walked through poison oak.

"You're a science teacher and you don't even know what poison oak looks like?" Thomas razzes him.

"Yeah, it looked very pretty," Mason replies.  "I was going to pick you a bouquet."  He cracks himself up.

The Secrets of Isis Episode 7: "Bigfoot"

The Larkspur High kids-- including some we've never seen before and will probably never see again because they're already old enough to be parents of high schoolers themselves-- enjoy a school picnic complete with a mellow performance of "Home on the Range" on guitar by Rick Mason.  Of course who else but center-of-every-event Cindy Lee (wearing her baby blue overalls, an outfit that gets quite a workout in the first ten or so episodes) and a male classmate also named Lee come running back with reports of having seen Bigfoot.

Actually, I should point out Cindy first sensibly suggests it may have been a bear; a rational, down to earth explanation despite her hectic state of mind.  One can understand her reluctance to commit to cryptid species identification when considering her association with the science faculty and her recent misadventures involving the worst bear costume ever captured on film.  Also, take into account Mason's openly irritated response to Lee's insistence what they saw was, in fact, Bigfoot.  He is pissed!  Cindy Lee's fun-loving and outgoing, but she's been around Mason long enough to judge his moods.  No fool that Cindy Lee.

But even the science teacher's remonstration can't stop Lee from becoming obsessed with obtaining photographic evidence of Bigfoot's existence, to the point of endangering his own life.  Once again it's Isis to the rescue.

"Bigfoot" (aired October 18, 1975), features some solid guest star work from Scott Colomby, later to play Tony D'Annunzio in Caddyshack.  He's got a cool James Franco-ish vibe.  But gosh darn it, when you promise Bigfoot you have to deliver Bigfoot, not a bearded 7'3" Bill Engesser in a floppy hat and plaid shirt along with a lot of sermonizing (with a melancholy harmonica on the soundtrack no less) about how people can be cruel to those they think are different, but you should still give them a chance.

I mean, yeah, I agree with the message; respect and cherish each other for the things that make each of us unique and all that.  Joanna Cameron certainly delivers it in a stately cadence befitting a wise goddess.  But Bigfoot, man.  Bigfoot.  You promised us Bigfoot and then you wimped out on us.  Although considering the show's bad luck with animal costumes, perhaps I should be a bit more charitable.

I haven't talked much about Albert Reed, Jr. as Dr. Joshua Barnes.  Mainly because he's not exactly a major character-- after all, the DC comic based on the show couldn't get his age, race or even his academic credentials right most of the time.  Dr. Barnes's function is to appear, offer a few words of wisdom, then glide away and let the rest of the episode bear out his gentle admonitions.  His air of calm, benign authority probably has something to do with his steady, longtime gig at Los Angeles International Airport where he retired as its Chief of Security in 1983.  Reed even played a version of himself and his job in the 1969 air-disaster flick Airport.

Nowhere is Reed's presence as Barnes felt as much as it is in this episode where he espouses a gentle, leave well enough alone philosophy regarding Bigfoot.

"Too many people think that anything they don't understand is dangerous," he tells Lee, who's ready at this point to join an armed mob to hunt down Bigfoot without really knowing why.  "That's wrong.  If you don't know what something is, you should be cautious, but not afraid.  Not set out to hunt it down.  As far as we know Bigfoot is only a fable, just like vampires and ghosts.  So let's not have anymore idle talk about it, okay?"

Words worth remembering, and Reed is convincing.  If only all our leaders were as sensible and open-minded as Dr. Barnes.  Could Larkspur High ask for a better principal?