Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Wonder Girl was right all along...

Back in the 1960s, one criticism of America's space program was that it leeched funds away from more urgent needs, i.e., education, feeding the poor, caring for the elderly and the war in Vietnam. Nonsense! What could be more necessary than NASA's greatest mission?

That's right... blasting off from the Kennedy Space Center at Cape Canaveral at the cost of millions of taxpayer dollars, we find D.J. Deejay, a man who proves the theory that our names control our destinies! And what's America's first space disk jockey up to?

Covering his spacesuit with dated graffiti and trying to bridge the generation gap via some desperate-sounding hipster lingo! Faced with an adult world that resorts to madcap stunts like this in a desperate attempt to lull into complacency the hapless populace while waging war and mass-murder across the globe and using up every natural resource... what else can a teen from the Amazonion society of Paradise Island do but...

Dance! The Soviets have invaded Czechoslovakia! There are enough nuclear-tipped ICBMs to wipe out humanity one hundred times over! Southeast Asia is burning and the smell of napalm and human flesh fill the jungle air and hover over the Mekong delta rice paddies! MLK and RFK have been assassinated and people are rioting in the streets! Why not dance the apocalypse away?

Why not dance in the face of clueless, apathetic boys?

What's wrong with these idiot kids anyway? There's the third coolest chick in the whole DC Universe and all she wants to do is dance with them and they're walking away! Look! It's Wonder Girl dancing! Don't walk away... serious training? What the hell are you talking about, Robin? Wonder Girl... dancing!

Jesus... boys are stupid.

And Wonder Girl doesn't stop with dancing. She's a total hedonist! Fighting crime in the wilderness? Perfect time to take a barbecue break.

But I think this is my all-time favorite comic image:

Cardboard cutout of the latest teen pop sensation? Grab it and dance with it, in front of the world! Her joy is infectious. Wonder Girl is a girl in love with life. She's totally carefree, does exactly what the moment calls for without hesitation.

Wonder Girl puh-leeeeeeeze, indeed! Don't trammel this girl's spirit. Life is too short not to let her express her joie de vivre! We could all learn a little something from Wonder Girl. To that end...

Everyone! Dance with Wonder Girl! Enjoy life now before it's too late and D.J. Deejay comes crashing down to earth in the red-hot ball of death caused by the adult world's retro-rocket failure. No future for you, Wonder Girl. Here comes Watergate, the recession, the oil crisis, pollution, malaise, Three Mile Island, Reaganomics, Iran-Contra, the Gulf War, Monicagate, the War on Terrorism, peak oil, global warming, the inevitable consumption of the earth by our own sun, galactic entropy!

But before all that... let's dance!

What do I want? I want to write a series where THIS version of Wonder Girl... a superhero with no secret identity because she doesn't need one... not a care in the world because she comes from perfection... flies in from Paradise Island to spread mischievous cheer and fun times for all. Totally fearless, totally without inhibitions.

PS: Many of the things I referenced here actually happened a year after this comic came out, but what am I, your history professor?

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