Overwrought and poorly written, I suppose. But no, I mean what search terms do people type into Google, only to have this disaster of a blog pop up in their results? Allow me to share them with you.
1. alicia silverstone batgirl
2. roddy mcdowall
3. cassandra cain
4. dani moonstar
5. harlem globetrotters cartoon
6. batgirl alicia silverstone
7. batgirl boobs
8. dave toschi
9. heavyset girl body stocky big short nude sex pic movie
10. claude akins
What can we learn from this? Apparently, I write a lot about Batgirl, Dani Moonstar and Planet of the Apes. That's true. I think I mentioned Alicia Silverstone (256 hits) one time and one time only in one of my many Batgirl blog posts, and now her name is going to haunt me every time I check my traffic sources. She's a popular woman. I probably knock off some ill-informed rant about Cassandra Cain once or twice a month, and I know I've frequently criticized the way various artists have drawn her breasts. Somehow I don't think that's what the "batgirl boobs" searchers (65 total, including 11 this month alone) have in mind when they go a-lookin' for that kind of stuff.
Actually, I get a lot of hits from people searching for things like "batgirl porn" (21 this month, but I'm surprised this isn't my search leader), "batgirl big boobs" (5 this month) or "bat girl boobies" (a semi-literate 2).
I honestly don't remember writing anything about the Harlem Globetrotters, but I probably did. Maybe a shout out to one of their cartoons from the 1970s, of which I was a huge fan. Roddy McDowall and Claude Akins starred together in Battle for the Planet of the Apes. Dave Toschi is a retired San Francisco police inspector whose unusual upside-down shoulder holster rig Steve McQueen copied in the movie Bullitt. He later investigated the Zodiac murders and was portrayed by Mark Ruffalo in David Fincher's movie about the case-- which I highly recommend. A modern classic and instantly one of my top 5 favorites of all time.
But number 9 on that list? I'm guessing that's the result of a post I wrote about Xi'an Coy Manh when she briefly became morbidly obese. Amazingly, 51 people typed in those exact same search terms. Or else the same person typed them 51 times.
Some amusing oddball searches:
1. comic female quarterback
2. sexy phyllis diller
3. hayley kiyoko
4. styx kilroy was here
5. billy zabka red jacket
I have no idea where that first one comes from. Number two is a "whatever floats your boat" kind of thing. I love Phyllis Diller, but I'm not sure I've ever found her sexy. Hayley Kiyoko is a multi-talented up-and-comer who played Velma in a couple of Cartoon Network live-action Scooby Doo movies and recently starred in a Disney musical called Lemonade Mouth, which I understand was something of a smash hit. Ten of her fans found my lousy blog clogging up their Hayley Kiyoko Google stalking this month because I made an off-handed reference to someone's drawing of Cassandra Cain resembling her facially. My apologies, Kiyoko-ites. Or, if you prefer, Kiyokians. Billy Zabka-- better known as William Zabka, better known as Johnny Lawrence of Cobra Kai-- I salute you!
Yes, I'm a fan.