Saturday, April 16, 2011

The Rising of the Planet of Apes That Rose

Ah, the teaser trailer. It looks like it's condensing the entire backstory of how the Planet of the Apes... er... planet came to be into a single James Franco-heavy film. In the original series, some kind of plague kills off the dogs and cats and over the next few years, people turn to chimpanzees, orangutans and gorillas for animal companionship. Which is an incredibly stupid idea, given what we now know about chimps. They make lousy pets, unless you think having your eyeballs gouged out and your genitals ripped off is fun stuff. And yet pets they become. A generation or two later, the apes are smarter yet enslaved by a bunch of fascists living in Los Angeles's Century City development. Then talking chimp Caesar shows up and leads the apes in a great rebellion, which sparks a nuclear war. In the new movie, it looks as though the planet rises in a matter of weeks.

Cool stuff, though, and I doubt many in the audience will care about this movie's continuity disconnect with an old film series that frequently couldn't keep its own story straight. Plus, it already looks to be a massive improvement over the bone-headed version told in Tim Burton's dopey "re-imagining."

But it's so gloomy. You know why bad things happen at companies like James Franco's Famous Farmaceuticals (NYSE: FFF)? Because they're all glass and steel and blue-tinted mood lighting. If they'd brightened things up with some warm colors, maybe Franco would've smiled a bit more and none of these genius apes would've gone on murderous rampages-- which I'm assuming they do based on some of the creepy images here. Unless they stalk people and leap at helicopters only to present them with Edible Arrangements gift bouquets.

Lesson learned: If you make your workplace look like a haunted house, evil will befall it.

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